The Choice

I stood there, tears running down my face. I needed this job, it was imperative I kept it. After all, my two young girls were counting on me. How would we survive without it. It was becoming harder and harder to get a good job, so much had changed. So many legal forms to sign. Oceans of politically correct hoops to jump through. Proof of this, proof of that. Where would it end.

I didn’t know what we would do. There was some money stashed away, and we all had ready bags packed, just in case. But still, I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this. I had hoped they wouldn’t ask me to do the one thing I could never do. Once I went down this road though there would be no going back.It was happening everywhere now and so many people were losing their jobs. Because of minority groups, things had changed dramatically. Even the people I worked with where so different from when I had started here 15 years ago. My girls weren’t that young any more at 11 and 12. Although this would test them to the limit. I hoped I had done my job properly. They were both kind and compassionate. I had warned them this day might come, and told them to be ready.Was I crazy.

How could I jeopardise everyone like this. But how could I not. I was continually being told, these are the rules now, if you want to keep your job, you must comply, but what they were asking me to do, what they were asking all of us to do, was unthinkable and I couldn’t, wouldn’t agree. It wasn’t right.I considered carefully then, what I would need. There was ample provisions in the supply room next door. I needed to hurry though. Glancing around, I slipped into the room and quickly appropriated all I could from the drawers and cabinets and threw everything in a drawstring bag. Then, heart pounding, I grabbed my mobile and made the phone call.

Next, I checked the hallway. No one. I suspected they wanted to distance themselves. Cowards. Out of sight out of mind, seemed to be how everyone avoided the moral disgrace but at least their absence made it easier for me to do what I must.Just do it and be quick I had been told. But no, never. It was beyond imagining. Carefully I approached the bench. So innocent, so pure. So unsuspecting. The syringe full of life stealing liquid sat in a metal tray next to the cot, awaiting my compliance. My tears nearly blinded me as I choked back sobs and gently gathered the tiny 34 week new born baby girl, who was very much alive, into my arms. I stared at her perfect tiny face and knew I was making the right decision. I would never comply.

Wrapping her gently and holding her tightly against my chest , I fled down the back stairs of the hospital to my car, praying they wouldn’t notice I was gone, for quite some time. My girls would be waiting at home, ready to leave for our lonely little cabin in the mountains, and the unknown.

~ Suzy Caddy

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